29 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
Dancing last Wednesday I did not feel like dancing, but staying still. And in staying still I raised my arms to shoot energy into some fixed point. I was surprised to be met with a vision of being in spirit form and joining with perhaps five others as we combined our energy and created a small sun.
Several days later, while reviewing this vision before sleep, I dreamed that I was told that my duty was to help transmute the negative energies on earth.
11:11:11 = a lesson on love, apparently
11 Nov 2011 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: astrology, musings
You know what I think incarnating in this strange world is all about? Broadening one’s spectrum of love. Every day I’m being pushed and challenged to OPEN UP and let go of a wall to love.
(Of course I would say all this being a Saturn-Venus… Astrology makes everything especially true and especially relative.)
31 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in visions
I went to the Spiral Dance last night and had an inner experience of an invocation from a specific tribe of dancers who danced to conduit healing to the world. Then I laid down and became every tribe member who was murdered for being a way that was unacceptable. I became a witch sentenced to death and bound to a board and sent downstream. Following this I experienced a release in tension. I had spent so, so much of my energy trying to steer me away from being that tribe member, but it was inevitable… I am all. Following this I danced and feasted and experienced love and Occupy Oakland.
31 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in quotes
“I’m telling you man, stuff’s gonna happen. It’s like…. Occupy Consciousness.”
- Patrick
the flame of ecstasy
28 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in ideas
Last night I attended Oakland Ecstatic Dance. It was the first time I had attended the Wednesday night version, and it was as sublime as any, despite the helicopters hovering overhead and police armoring the BART station in defense of the Occupy movement just down the street. The vibe at the peak is palpable love, joy, ecstasy… it is so transcendent, and the people I have met there are more instantly accepting of me than any people I have ever met. I realized that I was in a scene, like the Beat poets in San Francisco or Goa or Woodstock ’69, that was going to be looked back upon as incredibly happening, but I was one of the lucky few participating in the magic of that moment. In contrast to the historic dimension of it, I asked someone how long she had been coming and she said two months, but she felt like she hadn’t missed anything. And I think there’s truth to that statement, as ecstasy exists in an infinite state of being.
So it will be sad to leave that scene and the profoundly beautiful people who have embraced me finding and exploring radical love, but I have it within me so eternally that I feel if I must move then I will simply take it with me and facilitate lighting the flame for others as it was lit for me. These are such challenging times we live in, and ecstatic dance is a profound medicine for my spirit. To express freely in harmony with others… it is divine.
the day the Exit door was shown
22 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
in astrology, cosmicality, musings
Apparently a prank has been played on me by myself, the universe. I suddenly comprehended my blockages and saw myself as the one who is tieing my hands, and also the one who can undo the knot. Later on, beauty seeped in through the cracks where my criticism had me blind. I finally surrendered to the embrace of time and space. I saw myself as light exiting a deflated plastic wrapper of a little girl.
It is a fine state of mind to be able to view my mistakes as my greatest rewards. I think this is where astrological algebra comes in… like Jupiter and Saturn meet at some point. I have also been deeply studying the function of Uranus, and I am ready to experiment and discover if I am correct. I’m also trying to figure out Venus in that the give and take of love is something I’m still cooking up, but making progress.
20 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
Life has really put me through the wringer these past weeks… years… lifetimes?…. I am so tired, but my destiny continues to carry me along, despite my kicking and screaming.
29 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
Ecstatic dance routinely comes into my life when I least expect it… like today, in the least expected place, I not only discovered Pure Dance in Danville, but also that they have DJ Sharu tomorrow night! Now to convince Patrick to come with, or else it’s just me and sippy cup, my loyal companion…
I keep looking in the world for the things I want to create, but alas, it is me that must create these things. My eco-couture spiritual robe clothing company is hatching in my head, threatening to break open into the world. It will be all about celebrating the unique beauty of the individual as well as creating some awesome jobs for some kind folks. I’m learning a cool lesson around vanity versus love of self-beauty. It’s a fine line, and I think the difference is that vanity comes from insecurity, whereas love of self-beauty comes from a true enjoyment of the sacredness of the Self.
I wish Venus would stay on my ascendent forever! I’ve had such a cool ease of graciousness as it’s come on.
Patrick helped me realize that the solution for the earth community is not for people to die (lessen population) but to work synergistically together. Indeed, I do believe the Earth can support even more people. The other lesson I’ve been learning as of late is that it’s not always one or the other. I have a tendency to be trying to decide between philosophies of reality that it’s either this thing, or it’s that thing. Like it’s either this karmic layer, or it’s that one. But lately I’ve come to realize that it’s often both, and that there’s multiple layers going on. I’ve also been realizing how multidimensional people are, and how multidimensional I am. I like certain parts of people, certain parts of myself, more than others, but in the end it’s a mix, and it’s a package that can’t be separated, but must be embraced as an undulating whole. Life, I realize, is also like this.
In more news, I did some low-dose heavy metal chelation and it seems my relationship to time has changed. I think there were some metals lodged in the temporal section of my brain, because I would feel so stuck in the moment, but now I have much more of a sense of how long life is, and how there may be time for everything yet….
24 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
“Desire is the root of all suffering” is a Buddhist adage I have generally ignored. Like most wisdom, it lay dormant in my mind until my own experience taught me its truth. Last night I saw how my infinite grasping at all of my desires dominates me and gives me no rest. Primarily my desires are:
- the desire for people to view me in a certain way (and not others)
- the desire to view myself in a certain way (and not others)
- the desire to feel a certain way
- the desire for the future to go a certain way
If I didn’t have those desires, I would be at peace. I’ve had a few dreams where I have vividly died. Suddenly the tight-wound tension of life evaporates, and I was left floating in calm space. It reminds me of a guru’s secret to living: “I don’t mind what happens.”
how’s the divine? / visions of hell / amaranth flour fluff
17 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
I usually type or scribble phrases while on the phone, and today I apparently typed “How’s the divine,” although that was definitely not in the subject of the conversation.
I had many visions of a hellish realm today. The “room” was all shiny and red, with one pale white creature gawking at me. Several days ago a fleeting image of being a girl in a dark red realm, sitting at a dining table and being offered, and accepting, wine by a dark creature. It felt like the wine was a trade-off for the torment of the place.
In other news, amaranth flour mixed with a little water and salt, then baked shallow in a glass pan smeared with coconut oil, is unexpectedly amazingly delicious. Highly recommended! The taste reminds me of ice cream cones, except better.
I suppose that sums up the happenings in my consciousness.
15 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in astrology, dreams, musings, past lives
I wrote a little about Neptune squaring my Saturn earlier today, and much of the earlier entries have been about Uranus trining my Mercury-Saturn-Venus, but now I will reflect on Saturn conjoining my Mars-Pluto (Saturn is really only within orb of my Mars, but I see my Mars-Pluto as connected, being a conjunction and all).
I recently thought more about how Saturn has been manifesting as it has begun to conjoin my natal Mars-Pluto (Saturn is 8’04 applying to my natal Mars; 20′– applying to my Pluto). A chance encounter introduced me to weight training with dumbbells, which is something had never occurred to me as a beneficial activity, but the weights (gravity is ruled by Saturn) seem to help tune in (another Saturnine manifestation) my Mars-Pluto energy that can be so, eh, unbridled. I had the thought of Mars-Pluto the other day that Mars is action, so take the image of a fox running to get somewhere, but then you bring in Pluto, which brings in the life-death/carnage component, so now it’s like a fox running for its life with ripped tendons flailing. Generally I’ve found with Mars-Pluto on my ascendent I tend to blaze through my life with much intensity, yet Mars-Pluto has also come through as being such an overbearing force that I am paralyzed by it, like my energy is bound up because there’s so much there, and then being in the first-house can exhaust itself in self-destruction. So I hope Saturn coming on it will incarnate the structures I need to direct that great deal of energy towards constructive ends. Saturn coming on my Mars has also resulted in me driving far more than I ever have in my life and in more complex situations, which has finally matured me from the just-got-my-license driving confidence. Lastly, it’s either Saturn on my Mars-Pluto or Uranus separating from my Moon (although it’s still 6 degrees opposition), but I have not had as amazing of ecstatic dances as I once had. I feel more constricted dancing and it’s more difficult for me to reach the ecstatic high–I’m stuck more in this reality. I’ve also had more experiences of karma around dancing. Lately I’ve had images of being a 13-year-old girl in Malaysia (perhaps hundreds of years ago) and being forced to do these traditional dances in a way where I was more dancing in a role as a subservient female. So lately I’ve had feelings come up around whether I am dancing for others or for myself, and wondering if I want to dance at all. So then I sit it out and have to surrender to never wanting to dance again, and eventually some piece of music will come on that will inspire me anew. I will have to reflect more on this as Saturn gets more exact. Saturn is a little over a degree applying on my Ascendent, so I’m feeling like a chicken getting ready for slaughter (I said this unconsciously but now reflect that this statement reflects my Mars-Pluto rising with a transit of Saturn), yet I’m somehow feeling like things might work out (Uranus trining my Saturn representing a breakthrough in a blocked situation?).
Perhaps related to my Saturn-Mars transit, I had an image coming out of sleep of looking at a sign in an alien culture. The sign was round and had a diagram of different-sized triangles, half of them pointing one way, half the other way. What I realized, however, was that this sign was a communication about spatial relations. I don’t think I can elaborate more than that.
14 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in astrology, cosmicality, dreams, musings
So many visions of things my heart bleeds to animate. Under the full moon I had one of the most profound experiences of my life, the experience of complete surrender and traveling dimension to dimension, as if exploring a never-ending crystal necklace. I felt as if I had been falling for a long, long time, and I had finally reached solid ground. Yet now I am more resistant than ever… perhaps I am trying to learn. I had the image today of a girl seventy years in the future, in a murky pool of post-consumer sludge. I want to work to prevent that, but I don’t know how. I have been thinking about Chiron opposite my Sun, how my Solar force is blinded by a wound. I had a vision of being one of six keepers in some timeless space, and we were keeping six microcosms of life. I saw how infinitely loving this space was, so infinitely perfect. And then I saw the joy in destroying it, of ravaging the perfection, under the guise of knowing that all is indestructible, in the end…. Neptune square my Mercury-Saturn, it’s a lot of confusion. I guess some part of me knows and is leading me on. I really hope I am able to actualize my animations. They are my highest calling and symbolize my understanding and communication of this knowledge. Yet it seems my own grasping, struggling, desperate ego is not enough to bring them to be. I am forced to rely on the outside forces, like I am forced to relay on air to breathe.
Love is Freedom
07 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in cosmicality, ideas, music, musings
Uranus is trining my Venus and this is looping in my head. This isn’t the best version, but it’s all I can find…
I once had the realization that I could go anywhere, do anything, if I loved myself, like self-love is a little spaceship in which to experience infinity. “Love is freedom, love is freedom, love… we all know…”
Thought Pattern Resolutions
08 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in musings
Inspired by the book, “Testimony of Light,” I have decided to transform my thoughts to be more positive and kind. When I think an unkind thought about a person or a situation, it is only because I am feeling insecure, or am naive about the larger picture. I have worked really hard at learning how to take care of my body, but now I must learn how to mind my mind. Instead of endlessly scrutinizing people, situations, and myself, I am moving the aim of my thoughts towards the good parts of those people and situations. Already I have noticed a shift in that I feel more forgiving of myself. Perhaps it really is only the judge in myself that I fear in others.
Holographic Visions
12 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
in cosmicality, musings, visions
Listening to Grof’s description of the hologram, I realized how my psychic functions work. Often I see a certain pattern and suddenly get a download of another aspect of that characteristic. Sometimes I will grasp a trauma that the person has, other times it will be a past life, or ancestral experiences that are influencing the person… occasionally it is other dimensional information, spirit animals, or even lately I have heard thoughts someone the thought. I have sometimes been able to verify this information with the person, like I will see the person in a certain occupation and they tell me that their ancestor held that occupation. But the insight I realized is that I am getting this information by means of holographic comprehension–just like how you can break the hologram into pieces and one piece will show the whole, I am seeing one part of the individual’s gestalt and seeing more of the whole. As a soul, though, I am doing my best to respect my psychic abilities and use them for a higher purpose, I hope to be learning through them so that I can help others, especially to assist those in difficult frames of mind.
Flag-Bearer in Battle, Reporting for Duty
01 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
in astrology, cosmicality, ideas, musings
I had the Sabian symbol “A flag bearer in battle” stuck in my mind when I was thinking about my calling to create animations. I was perplexed because I don’t have that Sabian in my chart (although I have always resonated with it), but then I realized that that Sabian is the midpoint of my Uranus/Neptune. So then I began researching all the Sabians of my midpoints and my mind is pretty much blown. All I can say is I started going into the fractality of units of consciousness and I’m going to need more opportunity to deep-sea-dive into the depths of insanity to birth this insight. And because everything is so compoundingly perfect, I realized I am coming to this whole sudden shocking revelation (Uranus) of metaphysical understanding (Neptune) through my Uranus-Neptune midpoint.
One aspect of astrology that I really, really love is how infinite the insights are. There is such a limitless field to be discovered, and understood, because it’s understanding the nature of consciousness fused into matter. One idea for a field of research is the physics of astrological probability… maybe I’ll elaborate more on the meaning at a later date.
Meanwhile, all the ways of my being are calling me, and yet I am anew. And after all this, I am having experiences of identification with interstellar dust.
Notes on correlating transits: Venus is directly opposing my Uranus-Neptune midpoint, Mercury and Uranus are trine in the sky and making a grand trine with my natal Mercury.
25 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
Coconut cream mixed with peanut butter = an unlikely but delectably satisfying snack
